If my NS experience has taught me anything, I would say that I'm not suited for uniformed group organisations. Maybe it's the way I'm brought up, maybe it's a legacy of my four-year Victorian education and two-year experience as an Arts student in a Science-dominated environment - but it's quite obvious that I won't take things lying down or give in without a fight.
Anyway, this week has been extremely tiring as Platoon IC and the level of stress can be seen from the increased number of pimples on my face which resulted from lacking sleep and work stress, worrying about things like indentions and loading appliances - some of which are very much foreign to me. Going for my MOE Interview while having 1001 things running through my mind and worrying about events back in camp certainly didn't help, and I felt that I didn't do myself much justice especially during the German part of the interview. Nevertheless, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and am hoping for the best. At least I guess I was lucky to be one of the few who could engage the PTO and activate the fire pump on my first try this week, considering the fact that I'm normally quite the technical doofus who initially didn't know what a choke or throttle was, apart from it being verbs describing violent behaviour. Heh.
Okay, I need some personal time now to breathe, relax, recharge and reflect. If NS has done anything to me, it has made me somewhat agoraphobic.
And oh, it has made me hate the fact that I have to shave everyday, even though I barely have a moustache or beard to begin with!
(3 more weeks of training!)
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Realität
Field Exercises have proven to be more challenging than we've had expected it to be, and it's quite something how pressure reveals the true colours of people.
Anyway, I don't know why but my "neatness and order freak" streak has kicked in this week but thankfully I've a trusty fellow Victorian to rant and help me out in camp where necessary. Apart from that, I'm currently re-reading Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Being older and possibly now more mature with greater exposure to modern literature, the book's impacting me in different ways. To some, the fictional autobiography may seem to be disjointed and incoherent or even odd, but upon analysing some of the stylistic features and referring to what I've learnt in school, I began to notice and understand the underlying concerns and fears of a child with autism alike Christopher Boone. And upon further additional reading, I got a little worried when I read that the use of complex, run-on sentences (often characterised by the use of polysyndetons) is characteristic of people with autism. Maybe that explains for my occasional problem in expressing myself without concatenating my thoughts and sentences. But then again, I'm no savant and I definitely don't possess any particular talent, so I'm probably just another person who thrives in mediocrity. Unlike Christopher Boone in Haddon's novel, I'm not quite sure that I possess the kind of tenacity and steadfastness to achieve one's goals and dreams which Chris displayed despite his 'condition' and inner insecurities which are, at the end of the day, very much normal as fear's very much a part of our human mortality and fragility.
As for non-NS related issues, MOE still hasn't got back to me nor emailed me the excuse letter that I would need for the interview which is giving me a headache because it's gonna make applying for off a headache. Perhaps they changed their mind and thought that I'm not good enough to read German Language & Literature, which I wouldn't exactly deny seeing how my German's got waaaay rusty after 6 months of disuse. If I get this scholarship, perhaps it's a sign that I should continue studying languages. If I don't, then perhaps I should start seriously considering applying for law both locally and overseas for pragmatic reasons (I'm eyeing Warwick's European Law which gives me a chance to leverage on my knowledge of German for the latter option) since subjects like Anthropology, Sociology and Linguistics on its own won't make me very employable. It's quite irritating for a person who likes to plan ahead to realise that the road ahead is still pretty much shrouded in the mist of uncertainty, but hey - c'est la vie!
Loads of things to prepare as Rota IC and Section Commander 1 for Ops Salvage next week, and there are tons of outstanding things outside camp to settle as well. It looks like work and problems will never stop raining down on our lives, at least not for as long as we're in this world which is so plagued by disastrous grief. If there's one thing my NS life has taught me, it would include not relying too much on hope because the more you hope and the more you wait for hope to come, to more disappointed and hurt you'll be. If anyone tells you that the tree of patience will always bear sweet fruits of labour, tell that person that he or she is one sad delusional sod because even the healthiest of trees sometimes produce bitter and rotten fruits of despair and disappointment.
(The fire alarm is ringing madly in my cluster's MSC. I wonder if I should carry out my CD duties and check it out, haha! And speaking of Law, I've the CD and Fire Safety Act to study for my upcoming Term Test!)
Anyway, I don't know why but my "neatness and order freak" streak has kicked in this week but thankfully I've a trusty fellow Victorian to rant and help me out in camp where necessary. Apart from that, I'm currently re-reading Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. Being older and possibly now more mature with greater exposure to modern literature, the book's impacting me in different ways. To some, the fictional autobiography may seem to be disjointed and incoherent or even odd, but upon analysing some of the stylistic features and referring to what I've learnt in school, I began to notice and understand the underlying concerns and fears of a child with autism alike Christopher Boone. And upon further additional reading, I got a little worried when I read that the use of complex, run-on sentences (often characterised by the use of polysyndetons) is characteristic of people with autism. Maybe that explains for my occasional problem in expressing myself without concatenating my thoughts and sentences. But then again, I'm no savant and I definitely don't possess any particular talent, so I'm probably just another person who thrives in mediocrity. Unlike Christopher Boone in Haddon's novel, I'm not quite sure that I possess the kind of tenacity and steadfastness to achieve one's goals and dreams which Chris displayed despite his 'condition' and inner insecurities which are, at the end of the day, very much normal as fear's very much a part of our human mortality and fragility.
As for non-NS related issues, MOE still hasn't got back to me nor emailed me the excuse letter that I would need for the interview which is giving me a headache because it's gonna make applying for off a headache. Perhaps they changed their mind and thought that I'm not good enough to read German Language & Literature, which I wouldn't exactly deny seeing how my German's got waaaay rusty after 6 months of disuse. If I get this scholarship, perhaps it's a sign that I should continue studying languages. If I don't, then perhaps I should start seriously considering applying for law both locally and overseas for pragmatic reasons (I'm eyeing Warwick's European Law which gives me a chance to leverage on my knowledge of German for the latter option) since subjects like Anthropology, Sociology and Linguistics on its own won't make me very employable. It's quite irritating for a person who likes to plan ahead to realise that the road ahead is still pretty much shrouded in the mist of uncertainty, but hey - c'est la vie!
Loads of things to prepare as Rota IC and Section Commander 1 for Ops Salvage next week, and there are tons of outstanding things outside camp to settle as well. It looks like work and problems will never stop raining down on our lives, at least not for as long as we're in this world which is so plagued by disastrous grief. If there's one thing my NS life has taught me, it would include not relying too much on hope because the more you hope and the more you wait for hope to come, to more disappointed and hurt you'll be. If anyone tells you that the tree of patience will always bear sweet fruits of labour, tell that person that he or she is one sad delusional sod because even the healthiest of trees sometimes produce bitter and rotten fruits of despair and disappointment.
(The fire alarm is ringing madly in my cluster's MSC. I wonder if I should carry out my CD duties and check it out, haha! And speaking of Law, I've the CD and Fire Safety Act to study for my upcoming Term Test!)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Five Weeks
There's five more weeks left to POC week, but tomorrow marks the start of much dreaded field exercises. I don't know why I'm feeling apprehensive, but I sincerely pray that nothing will go wrong and that we'll ace this final hurdle.
This 'long weekend' has been pretty fruitful. Saturday was spent recuperating, Sunday afternoon was spent at Borders, Starbucks and Menotti's with Desmond while Sunday evening was spent along Clarke Quay and Raffles Place with beloved 39th Councillors. Vesak Day, which nicely fell on a Monday, was spent alone at East Coast Beach with me enjoying the sea breeze which I so miss ever since NS began and catching up on some reading. It irked me a little though, that the multitude of people invaded the quiet sanctuary that ECP used to offer me, and how commercialisation seems to destroy natural places of childhood which was not too far in the distant past.
I'm getting incoherent - must be the pre-book in depression! In any case, I shall relish the moment I spent on top of the double-decker 31 bus, in my favourite seat on the upper deck and hope fond memories of youth will see me through the week.
This 'long weekend' has been pretty fruitful. Saturday was spent recuperating, Sunday afternoon was spent at Borders, Starbucks and Menotti's with Desmond while Sunday evening was spent along Clarke Quay and Raffles Place with beloved 39th Councillors. Vesak Day, which nicely fell on a Monday, was spent alone at East Coast Beach with me enjoying the sea breeze which I so miss ever since NS began and catching up on some reading. It irked me a little though, that the multitude of people invaded the quiet sanctuary that ECP used to offer me, and how commercialisation seems to destroy natural places of childhood which was not too far in the distant past.
I'm getting incoherent - must be the pre-book in depression! In any case, I shall relish the moment I spent on top of the double-decker 31 bus, in my favourite seat on the upper deck and hope fond memories of youth will see me through the week.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Alles sind Leer
There's just so many things to sort out, so many decisions to make, so many consequences to consider. And the stakes are just going to get higher, and I'm still questioning to what extent I'm able to stomach all this pressure.
It's getting hard sleeping through the static in this fast-paced city which never sleeps, especially when our ordered lives just want to confess and seek solace in the beauty of peace and solitude.
(That's it. I'm headed for the beach tomorrow, alone or otherwise.)
It's getting hard sleeping through the static in this fast-paced city which never sleeps, especially when our ordered lives just want to confess and seek solace in the beauty of peace and solitude.
(That's it. I'm headed for the beach tomorrow, alone or otherwise.)
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Six Weeks
And as the Paramedic trainees (a.k.a. PMTs) complete their ERS term and bid goodbye to the 28th ERSC cadets after an eventful six week starting with HTA and ending with Brunei, there's only six weeks left before the sixty odd or so of us will pass out as Sergeants and join the ranks of the SCDF specialists. Or so at least I hope, since there's still two more IPPTs and SOCs to clear, and one final term test largely on Fire Safety & Investigation which will prove to be the most challenging yet, seeing how much of the content's pretty out of depth for me as a former Arts student (though I admit the parts involving the law, namely the Civil Defence Act and Fire Safety Act, are quite interesting). As for now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I did well for the Term II test on the modus operandi of the Home Team and the SCDF.
Although the week started off rather crappy with the 28th becoming collateral damage (this time courtesy of the juniors) yet again in a collective punishment as a whole ERSC, it did somewhat get progressively better through some luck and intervention from divine forces greater than ourselves. More importantly, Friday evening ended pretty nicely with two things: 1. MOE informing me that my PSC psychometric results are out and they are short-listing me for an interview, and 2. NUS accepted me for Arts & Social Sciences thus adding to my list of 'safety nets'. Though it would be a big lie to say I was extremely exhilarated to receive the NUS offer letter, I certainly was pleasantly surprised to receive the SMS from MOE asking me to call them up so that they can arrange the interview for me seeing how I was at one point pretty sure that I stood no chance at getting a scholarship with my pathetic A-level grades. As it is, I'm short-listed for a scholarship to read German Language and/or German Literature. I'm not quite sure how it'll work out with me wanting to do Komparatistik if I go to Germany since I don't quite like the idea of just doing Germanistik, but I'm quite glad that at least some people out there are still willing to sponsor me an overseas education which would mean lesser financial burden on my retired parents. I'm not quite sure if any more offers are coming my way, but I still have to think about career prospects and advancement. Given my lousy academic standing, getting the MOE Teaching Scholarship would already be a rather good thing, although I'm quite certain that I won't be able to go as far or as fast as the EMS scholars who'd have a chance at MAP. I don't know what SPH will tell me come next year after my ORD, but it's a tough choice between the practical and the heart. But perhaps as Prof Tan from NTU said to me during my Linguistics & Multi-Lingual Studies interview, academia's definitely a viable field. And Prof Francesco did mention MOE would probably need more people who are qualified in linguistics and comparative lit since the new syllabus and subjects coming up will be needing specialists. So maybe I won't be a lonely pauper working for a road-sweeping agency in 10-15 years time, after all.
It isn't so easy being a male in an Asian society, because you're expected to look after and support a family.
Ahwell. Time to put some admin things in order, do some reflection and think about my plans for the next few years - especially if I do manage to impress the interviewers and get a scholarship. All these on top of praying hard that I'll pass out come end June and hopefully get a good vocational posting. And I'm keeping my fingers real crossed on that!
Although the week started off rather crappy with the 28th becoming collateral damage (this time courtesy of the juniors) yet again in a collective punishment as a whole ERSC, it did somewhat get progressively better through some luck and intervention from divine forces greater than ourselves. More importantly, Friday evening ended pretty nicely with two things: 1. MOE informing me that my PSC psychometric results are out and they are short-listing me for an interview, and 2. NUS accepted me for Arts & Social Sciences thus adding to my list of 'safety nets'. Though it would be a big lie to say I was extremely exhilarated to receive the NUS offer letter, I certainly was pleasantly surprised to receive the SMS from MOE asking me to call them up so that they can arrange the interview for me seeing how I was at one point pretty sure that I stood no chance at getting a scholarship with my pathetic A-level grades. As it is, I'm short-listed for a scholarship to read German Language and/or German Literature. I'm not quite sure how it'll work out with me wanting to do Komparatistik if I go to Germany since I don't quite like the idea of just doing Germanistik, but I'm quite glad that at least some people out there are still willing to sponsor me an overseas education which would mean lesser financial burden on my retired parents. I'm not quite sure if any more offers are coming my way, but I still have to think about career prospects and advancement. Given my lousy academic standing, getting the MOE Teaching Scholarship would already be a rather good thing, although I'm quite certain that I won't be able to go as far or as fast as the EMS scholars who'd have a chance at MAP. I don't know what SPH will tell me come next year after my ORD, but it's a tough choice between the practical and the heart. But perhaps as Prof Tan from NTU said to me during my Linguistics & Multi-Lingual Studies interview, academia's definitely a viable field. And Prof Francesco did mention MOE would probably need more people who are qualified in linguistics and comparative lit since the new syllabus and subjects coming up will be needing specialists. So maybe I won't be a lonely pauper working for a road-sweeping agency in 10-15 years time, after all.
It isn't so easy being a male in an Asian society, because you're expected to look after and support a family.
Ahwell. Time to put some admin things in order, do some reflection and think about my plans for the next few years - especially if I do manage to impress the interviewers and get a scholarship. All these on top of praying hard that I'll pass out come end June and hopefully get a good vocational posting. And I'm keeping my fingers real crossed on that!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Back
The moment I landed in Bandar Seri Bengawan, the journey up Temburong River to reach my base camp was reminiscent of Conrad's Marlow's journey up the Congo River, into a heart of darkness when nightfall comes, the heart of a jungle that's more or less spared from the encroachment of modern technology and the vices of modern life. And just as how the Congo River and jungles taught Marlow a great deal about life, the Temburong River and jungle has taught me a great deal about patience and endurance, of man and nature, and of the nature of man.
So after days of marching and bashing through the dense rainforest, trekking up and down the ridge lines to scale Mt. Lutut even as it rains on us, camping in the middle of the forest alone which gets so dark that you can't even see your own hands and don't even know whether your eyes are open or closed - I survived Brunei!
Somehow, I oddly miss the jungles for the kind of solitude, solace and tranquillity which city life can never match up to. In retrospect, my solo day stint in the jungle was perhaps a blessing because it allowed me to think about lots of things, and nothing can replace that experience of sleeping in the jungle alone under a self-pitched basha, unable to do anything except to think and reflect about your very existence and fragility as the darkness engulf you. Sadly the cold hard reality of modern life has hit me once more as my sabbatical in the outback comes to an end, and there are lots to sort out. Perhaps there's something about the simple life which appeals to me a lot right now, but lets see whether I can get my thoughts sorted out and where life will take me in the next couple of years.
In any case, I'm watching the Pangea Day live broadcast right now, and it strikes me how people can find the simplest yet greatest joys in music and art even in the most troubled regions of this earth. And I'm currently pondering over some of the words being said and find myself agreeing that forgiveness is the most powerful weapon that a man can ever unleash on another man.
And to think I'm hoping for one from some people I really love.
(On a side note, I'm thinking of volunteering for the Singapore Biennale. Anyone interested?)
So after days of marching and bashing through the dense rainforest, trekking up and down the ridge lines to scale Mt. Lutut even as it rains on us, camping in the middle of the forest alone which gets so dark that you can't even see your own hands and don't even know whether your eyes are open or closed - I survived Brunei!
Somehow, I oddly miss the jungles for the kind of solitude, solace and tranquillity which city life can never match up to. In retrospect, my solo day stint in the jungle was perhaps a blessing because it allowed me to think about lots of things, and nothing can replace that experience of sleeping in the jungle alone under a self-pitched basha, unable to do anything except to think and reflect about your very existence and fragility as the darkness engulf you. Sadly the cold hard reality of modern life has hit me once more as my sabbatical in the outback comes to an end, and there are lots to sort out. Perhaps there's something about the simple life which appeals to me a lot right now, but lets see whether I can get my thoughts sorted out and where life will take me in the next couple of years.
In any case, I'm watching the Pangea Day live broadcast right now, and it strikes me how people can find the simplest yet greatest joys in music and art even in the most troubled regions of this earth. And I'm currently pondering over some of the words being said and find myself agreeing that forgiveness is the most powerful weapon that a man can ever unleash on another man.
And to think I'm hoping for one from some people I really love.
(On a side note, I'm thinking of volunteering for the Singapore Biennale. Anyone interested?)
Friday, May 02, 2008
TwoThreeFiveNine
2359 - this is the first time and possibly the latest time I'll ever be booking back into camp.
In any case, I'm quite glad that my Wing OC has a pretty good heart and that I managed to book-out more than I expected to this week to 'get things in order' before leaving for Brunei.
And today, going back to NJ somewhat brought back a warm feeling. Unfamiliar new faces and a spanking new Performing Arts Theatre (which is quite something, really) aside, it's odd how we sometimes wish to go back to school when getting out of it was the only thing in our minds whilst we're still in it.
Oh, such is life. Anyway, I should be on my way now, and hopefully - I'll make it back alive!
In any case, I'm quite glad that my Wing OC has a pretty good heart and that I managed to book-out more than I expected to this week to 'get things in order' before leaving for Brunei.
And today, going back to NJ somewhat brought back a warm feeling. Unfamiliar new faces and a spanking new Performing Arts Theatre (which is quite something, really) aside, it's odd how we sometimes wish to go back to school when getting out of it was the only thing in our minds whilst we're still in it.
Oh, such is life. Anyway, I should be on my way now, and hopefully - I'll make it back alive!
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