As the Fall ends...

As Fall sheds its last leaves of autumn and starts giving way to the blanketing cold of Winter, I've been reflecting on the past months and decided that while there are some really great times I really treasure, this year has mostly been filled with disappointment, a sense of failure and much good-byes.

But I hope that with Obama winning the Elections with a substantial margin, things will start to change for the better and that it'll be a good change that I can believe in.

Nevertheless, as unprofessional as it may be, I cannot help but to stop and compare my current work life situation with that of my peers from the 28th ERSC. And so far, I've never heard any of them carry out corporal punishments in front of their men, much less get branded a 'bloody fucking idiot' or 'useless fucking section commander' in front of almost 100 over men every morning.

And I think to myself, was I such a bad Specialist Cadet Trainee that I have to be condemned so? Unlike previous batches, everyone from our batch who passed out did so purely based on merit and the fact that we passed all the requisite tests. In fact, I scored better than a lot of those posted to Station or CDA, especially for Final Ex. And I put in so much effort right til the end, staying up late to read the BTMs, our notes, participating in competitions which entailed night trainings and planning and slogging for POC.

And when I came across my trainee files today and flipped through pages filled with notes taken in lessons which most slept through, I felt like the greatest fool in the world looking at how naive I was then to think things would get better as a Sergeant, only to realise I end up barely using any of these knowledge.

I still can't quite figure why I've been condemned to a position where I am no more than a rank-and-file man with merely more responsibilities, but at least I treasured one thing from my ERS trainee days. Because every time I think back about my greatest lesson from my ERS days, I recall MAJ Raihan's words of austere love, recalled how we beat the odds to win the FSC against the BOC, and suddenly find in myself again motivation to carry myself proudly as a Sergeant of the Force no matter what the circumstances may be or what people may say.

I can never forget how MAJ Raihan, W02 Zakaria, WO2 Zalzalani and a couple of other CSTW/STW instructors who taught us how to carry ourselves with dignity at all times, and most importantly, treated us with dignity and love even though we were - to simply put it in NS-speak - the lowest life form back then in CDA considering our rank as mere trainees. This is one thing I will definitely take on with me beyond NS and into my professional career - to carry myself with dignity no matter where and when, and to be proud of who I am and what I am doing as long as I know it's right and is within the legal boundaries of my job.

For that, Thank You Sir and Thank You Enciks.

(On a very random side note, I was amused today when one clerk came up to me and said something along the lines: "Sergeant, is your name Jafnie? Are you Jewish?". My surname may seem to be of Jewish origin, but that deduction totally cracked me up nonetheless.)