What If

I don't exactly know what's making me feel this way, but if not for religious beliefs restraining me, I would have gotten myself drunk and wasted silly.

Thinking about the future, thinking about what I'd be doing in uni, thinking about finances, thinking about my future rice bowl - thinking about how I'm tired of thinking about things to come. If anything, all the rather excessive thinking has somewhat pushed me to believe that I perhaps don't really have much of a place here in Singapore, seeing how I don't conform to the technological and scientific norms and needs of the nation. After all, who would want to sponsor or employ someone who wants to major in subjects like social anthropology, art history and philosophy or comparistic linguistics and literature in universities overseas?

And so I'm gonna start making preparations to apply to Ludwig-Maximilian University of Munich and the Free University of Berlin, and I'm quite sure that it won't be easy seeing how these universities aren't only German ivies, but top colleges for humanities as well. Seeing how I'd probably wouldn't want to financially burden my parents by studying in the UK or US, and that I should forget about hearing further from scholarship boards, Germany's definitely a very viable and exciting option although it would entail leaving my Anglophile comfort zone behind and live in an environment that's very much different from Singapore not only socially, but linguistically as well. All these are on top of the consideration that my German degree, particularly a BA/MA instead of a BSc, might not be well-recognised in science-obsessed Singapore. But if this is the extent that I have to go to in order to gain knowledge that I seek after, then so be it. I'm pretty much resolute about it. And some day, hopefully I'll be able to curate a museum exhibition like how I've always dreamt of as a child, seeing how this is probably the last childhood dream that I haven't totally given up on.

Anyway, despite the minor uncomfortable changes that we have to accommodate in terms of regimental style and discipline, life at the Home Team Academy has been good thus far - especially with our Cafeteria privilege! Now it's no wonder how half the police cadets I see get fat so easily, seeing how they have a really, really slack schedule. Three more days to be spent there, and I'd better relish every single moment and privilege that I've left before it's back to CDA which lags far behind in terms of welfare, facilities, aesthetics and modernity. But somehow, the Home Team Basic Course which is supposed to train me up as a Home Affairs Officer (or Home Affairs Specialist as the notes put it) did up my pride as a SCDF personnel, especially when I compare my training to that of the other Home Team organisations. Not to be cocky, but I'm hell proud that I survive the shit that my ERS spec course has thrown at me thus far, and even the police OCTs know how hiong it can get on our side.

Okay that's all for now. Lots of things to do and people to catch up with before I scoot off to Brunei where I'll be left at the mercy of the jungle, and time's running out fast.

This useless shorty's got to go and dig up for stuff now before it gets buried deep in the sands of history. Ha!