Run Baby, Run!

ARMY HALF MARATHON (AHM) 2009: "MIND OVER MATTER"




It was my first Marathon ever, and I didn't really put in special effort to train for it (or rather, I didn't even train for it!) since I was busy with work in camp. But nevertheless, I finished the whole 21km without stopping or walking!

And so yes, while the timing is probably nothing impressive in comparison to the sub-2h timings, it's still very much a first and a meaningful personal achievement. I guess we all have our CSM for edging us to push our limits.

And friends and NS buddies really did help to alleviate the feeling of tiredness and sian-ness as you try to overcome the pain building up in your knees as well as the multitude of people blocking your way. Heck, there was this retarded Combat Engineer guy who suddenly turned back in the opposite direction at high speed during the marathon and crashed right into me, hitting me hard in my sternum. But thanks to the friends accompanying me, I still managed to pick up again and even pushed through the hellish last kilometre which saw my calves beginning to cramp real bad, and my knees and ankles feeling as heavy as lead!

In Brunei, we completed our 10km under 55mins right after a tiring field camp in the mountainous ranges of Temburong, and today we completed 21km without having to stop like how some Army people did! I'm sure AHM 2009 won't be our last yet. More importantly, I guess we've proved that we SCDF NSFs can perform too if we put our minds to it, even though Mindef may have rejected us 2 years back for whatever unstated reasons!

Most importantly, thank you God for giving me the strength considering the fact that I neither trained nor slept as much as I should have the night before the race. I couldn't stop thinking about lots of things, but I guess the mind's a little clearer now with the run over although now my joints are screaming for mercy.


On a final note, I still cannot help but to feel amused by (I think) the Army 3rd Div's Checkpoint with all the 'motivational' signboards everywhere in the last 3km. One signboard that made me go "WHATTHEHECK" during the run for some reason went: "MAINTAIN A SPEED OF 8KM/H".

And Yet Another 3 Things...

No I've not died, but rather I've been rather busy with work in camp, and rushing in between my German, Arabic and driving lessons. But nevertheless, some things have caught on to my attention and I thought it might be worth penning - even though I have to forewarn that it's gonna be rather haphazard and incoherent seeing how it's late and I have the AHM to go for in a couple of hours.

1. VS-VJC Integrated Programme Saga. As you many may have heard, VJC sent in a proposal to the Education Ministry to start a 6-year IP alike NJC. What's my opinion as a 4-year Victorian + 2-year NJCian? Bad move. Firstly, dynamics between NJC and VJC are very much different; NJ is an unaffiliated school which prides itself in having affiliation only to the Nation, while VJC is a affiliate of the larger Victorian family and thus has some responsibility towards VS. While I'm all for improvement, diversity and dynamism in the Education system, I'm quite disturbed at how changes to the Education landscape are increasingly made from a top-down manner.

For one, OVA's reaction and statement of clear 'disappointment' is evidence of lacking consultative measures and consensus on the part of VJC. I used to dispel the belief that having non-Victorians to lead a Victorian institution is a detriment to the progress of Victoria, but now it seems perhaps it has seeing a lack of respect and consideration for the thoughts, feelings and suggestions of the Victorian student body - both present and old. I have always contemplated the idea of an Affiliate IP scheme alike the HC Affiliate where a merger of sorts would be possible, or of VS going IP doing the IB alike ACS(I) and accepting girls only at the senior high level. But now things seem to take a sudden, twisted turn as VJC rush in to follow in NJC's trail and submit the 6-year IP proposal to MOE directly.

In the meantime while this debate/saga/whatever you want to call it rages on, I'm just glad to be able to "carry to the world" VS's (and NJC's) "fame and our intent to keep her flag unfurled". Furthermore, I am sure VS boys would at the end of the day take up any challenge thrown at them and prove that we can overcome the odds and emerge victorious when we all stand together to achieve it! We've risen to the challenge before, and we can - and will - do it again.

2. NJC HAS A PRESIDENT'S SCHOLAR IN 2009! Apparently 2009 saw the end to the Raffles-Hwachong hegemony over the President's Scholarships. I'm proud to see my Council junior, Gan Suyi, standing tall amongst this year's President's Scholars! It seemed only like yesterday when a group of us tried convincing her to run for Presidency (she initially expressed interest in the post I was holding). But whatever it is, it's a proud day for NJC and perhaps Principal Cheng did something right by hacking off the Honorary Board of President's Scholars at the Atrium - I think she consulted the right fengshui master this time around!

3. COUNTING DOWN TO ORD. I used to think things would get better and easier as we head towards ORD, but I guess now I'm proven wrong with more work and even greater worries piling up as we careen to the ending point of our National Service. In-camp grumblings aside (this I shall only talk offline), I realise I'm getting even more stressed as ORD approaches thanks to Uni Apps - again! Except this time around, application to German universities prove to be much more complicated and tedious as compared to UK through UCAS 3 years ago. Bummer. But as the German saying goes, all beginnings are difficult, and I'm not gonna give up my TS(O) so easily since firstly my family really wants me to pursue it and secondly because I was one hell of a blessed lucky person to have been offered it considering my extremely mediocre A-level grades. SO I BETTER ACE MY FREAKING TESTDAF OR DSH WHEN I TAKE IT!

While sceptical at first, I'm actually excited about studying in a non-anglophone country alike Germany. I guess ever since I chose NJ over VJ, the penchant to try something different and dare to go against the grain has stuck since. Some of the courses I'm eyeing have pretty great programmes, including exchanges to universities like Cambridge, King's College London and Seoul National University!



And now, pray I complete the AHM and do not die. Peace!

Auf den zweiten Platz

It really hits you hard in the face that no matter how hard or how well you do in this system, you'll always be second class and second rate. All thanks to some asswipe up there who thinks you're not loyal enough no matter how much you try to show you're willing to sacrifice.

Now I know why even the most docile of people can become such a angry and hating if the system constantly treats you like a plebian no matter how much you've proved that you're not just another sand in the beach.


Fight the system, and you'll realise you're stoking up new enemies in that rising dust you leave behind in your zealous chase for change against the status quo.

God,
save us!

The Serf Lives On

I actually wrote a whole lot of stuff since there's been quite a few things I've been wanting to say and get off my chest. But then some switch in me just got flipped and I deleted it all away. It's mostly senseless ramblings anyway.



I guess it really doesn't help that I constantly feel like an underachiever in NS who's developing an inferiority complex. Because trust me, it sucks when you constantly hear a voice in your head telling you, "WAKE UP BOY AND WORK HARDER, COS THERE ARE SO MANY OUT THERE WHO CAN ACHIEVE WHAT YOU DO OR EVEN OUTSHINE YOU WITH FAR LESS EFFORT".

Perhaps only now I'm starting to truly appreciate the valuable masochistic meaning of my alma mater's motto: say Nil Sine Labore with me, homie. Perhaps this was the reason why I could connect with the poem about the Serf that I did 2 years ago and got my first ever 'A' from Mr Whitby, heh.

In the meantime, it would have been nice if I had a little bit of talent, damn it!

Allnächtliche Alptraum

The same old thoughts, worries and fears are coming back again, bottling up day by day. It's just too bad not everyone has someone to confide their deepest and darkest with. And it's getting sick how no matter much effort you put into something, you're still not good enough because of some things which were never within your control in the first place.

And the self-psychosis of "this is part of learning what humility's and being subordinate's all about" is quickly running thin because honestly, this whole shindig is no more than self-debilitation in disguise. Because fuck, I really hate letting the wheels of fate and time roll all over me time and again because I'm simply not like TS Eliot's Women of Canterbury. And if not for the love of the word 'Respect' to its each and every letter, I'd hate paying plastic compliments to and working with people who are clearly incompetent and get by in their daily responsibilities simply by leveraging on their rank and status.

Trotzdem muss ich zur Zeit akzeptieren, dass ich immer auf dem zweiten Platz stehe. Und vielleicht gehöre ich genau und richtig dort. Oder so denkt die Gesellschaft.

Patience they say, for a modern day martyr waits and fights with his inner self til his death.

Run, Baby, Run

I used to laugh it off when someone once joked to me, "I indulge in work because it numbs me (of my pain)".

And now, when I find myself reluctant to remove myself away from work, I wonder whether I'm actually trying to run away from something.

2009

And so comes the first post of the New Year, except that it doesn't come with the usual resolutions and stuff because - to be honest - I haven't sat down and thought about it. After all, it's less than prudent to make hasty resolutions which you probably aren't gonna fulfil anyway.

In any case, I personally wasn't exactly excited about the whole new year shindig this time around. I mean, what's there to celebrate - really? While everyone was screaming 'Happy New Year', I probably was the only one who went 'RECESSION YEAAAAARRR'! And really, how can you celebrate when a civilian bloodbath which is cumulating into a tsunami of humanitarian crises is still going on in Gaza with no end in sight? I'm neither pro-Hamas/anti-Israel nor pro-Israel/anti-PLO, but I do hope my generation in the Middle East will see the rut we're digging further into. I don't know why, but when the Israeli and Palestinians start pointing fingers at each other screaming bloody murder over the mass media, I can't help but to recall Shakespeare's Shylock's words even if I don't agree with the whole notion of revenge in the following verses:

I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we shall resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.

Now trying putting that into context of the Arab-Israeli (or as some say, Muslim-Jewish) conflict.

And so to you bigoted fundamentalists and conservative hardliners who are impeding the peace process by constantly spreading hate and fear, I've some words from dear Antonio of The Merchant of Venice for you:

The devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul producing holy witness,
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek;
A goodly apple rotten at the heart:
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!

Coincidentally, I've been reading some books that my mum brought back from London that reveal both sides of the story in the whole Israeli-Palestinian conflict and much thinking has been done even though I'm yet to be done with the book on American-Israeli Foreign Policy and how the American-Israel lobby in the US is doing more harm than good to both the US and Israel in the long term.

And I thought to myself, it's quite amazing how both parties have some sort of selected amnesia to the kind of suffering that they used to go through and are now doing the same kind of mistreatment upon others, and somehow forget how in the past symbiotic relationships between the Arabs and Jews were actually possible?

On the Israeli side, have the Jews become too blind to see the parallels and similarities between their treatment of the Palestinians particularly in the Occupied Territories and systematic progroms such as Plan Dalet to expel Palestinians, to that of anti-semitic imperalists during historial periods such as the Spanish Inquisition with their Alhambra Decree which saw many Andalusian Jews evicted along with their Muslim brethren from their homes of many generation? After all, didn't the Shepardic Jewish culture flourish in the Iberian peninsula under the Andalusian Caliphate which saw many notable Shepardic Jews rising to positions of great influence including that of Grand Vizier?

On the Arab side, have the Arabs and larger Muslim world forgotten how the Holy Prophet himself adovacted recognising each other's rights and living together in harmony by finding shared heritage as People of the Book instead of constantly dwelling on our differences? Don't the Arabs remember the great service which many notable Jewish personalities have rendered in the administration and beaureucracies of various successful Muslim empires such as that of the Umayyad and Ottoman? I'm admittedly no expert in this field, but when I do a little instrospection after watching films such as Paradise Now, I can't help but to agree that most of the hatered and violence today stem from our ego-centrical tendencies of focusing and dwelling on our own personal pain coupled with an inability to comprehend and empathise with the pain and losses of others.

Thinking about it, I think I want 2009 to be year of personal discovery. After all, I did intend to continue trekking off the beaten path in my travels this year since my short foray into Sumatra, with some buddies already giving the aye to places such as Israel/Palestine, Nepal and even North Korea! Okay, Pyongyang might a little hassle because of the proxy visa application via Beijing and all, but nothing should be too difficult to achieve with determination and a bit of moolahs at disposal (which is currently lacking, heh!)

And maybe 2009 should too be a personal year of courage and love for humanity, where we all should be making a strong stand against hatred and fear.

And that includes atychiphobia, my own personal fear of failure and of being utterly useless.